By: Rachel Crickmar

Understanding Your Window of Tolerance

Have you ever felt like you were “too much” or “not enough” when emotions hit hard? Maybe you’ve noticed moments when you were completely overwhelmed—or times when you shut down and went numb. These are experiences many of us have, and they’re not signs of weakness—they’re signs that you may be operating outside your Window of Tolerance.

At Therapeutic Partners we often use this concept to help clients understand their emotional reactions and learn tools for regulation. Understanding your Window of Tolerance is a powerful step toward feeling more balanced, grounded, and in control.

What Is the Window of Tolerance?

The Window of Tolerance is a term coined by Dr. Dan Siegel. It describes the emotional zone where we are best able to function, cope, and respond to stress effectively. Within this window, we can think clearly, feel our feelings without being overwhelmed, and stay connected to ourselves and others. Outside of this window, our nervous system may react in two common ways:

1. Hyperarousal “Fight or Flight”

• Anxious or panicky
• Irritable or angry
• Restless and unable to concentrate
• Like everything is urgent or too much

This is your body’s way of saying, “I don’t feel safe. I need to act.”

2. Hypoarousal “Freeze or Shut Down”

• Numb or disconnected
• Depressed or unmotivated
• Emotionally flat
• Unable to speak, think, or act

This is your nervous system trying to conserve energy or protect you by shutting down.

What Affects Your Window of Tolerance?

Everyone’s window looks different—and it can expand or shrink depending on life circumstances, trauma history, stress levels, and support systems.

Some things that narrow your window:

• Chronic stress
• Trauma or unresolved grief
• Lack of sleep, food, or safety
• Burnout

Things that can expand your window:

• Therapy and emotional processing
• Grounding and mindfulness
• Supportive relationships
• Self-care and routine

How to Stay Within Your Window of Tolerance

The goal isn’t to never feel big emotions—it’s to notice when you’re outside your window and develop skills to gently bring yourself back.

Regulation Strategies:

Grounding Techniques

• Name 5 things you can see, hear, and feel
• Hold something with texture or weight, notice every component
• Walk barefoot outside

Breathing Exercises

• Try box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4)
• Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly as you breathe, then try to keep your chest still and inhale and exhale letting your belly inflate and deflate.

Movement

• Stretch, dance, shake out your arms
• Go for a walk or do gentle yoga

Connection

• Call a friend
• Spend time with a pet
• Let someone know you’re having a hard moment

Name the Feeling

• Saying “I’m overwhelmed” out loud can help shift the experience
• Labeling emotions engages your thinking brain and reduces intensity

Therapy Can Help Expand Your Window

Learning to regulate your emotions isn’t about becoming “perfect” at staying calm—it’s about building awareness, self-compassion, and choice. If you feel like your emotions are running the show, therapy can help you:

• Identify your personal signs of hyper- or hypoarousal
• Practice tools to return to your window
• Explore how your past experiences shape your nervous system today

Understanding your Window of Tolerance can help you feel more in control of your emotional world. You’re not “too sensitive” or “too shut down”—you’re human, and your nervous system is doing its best to keep you safe.